Monster

I have been delinquent in my posts... here's why: I am completely overwhelmingly intimidated by the ACTUAL writing of my story. I know how that sounds. Especially because the whole impetus behind this blog, was to format a way to write out my story- my entire story. Writing out my whole story is a daunting task, to say the least. I've gotten to the point where I am ready and willing to begin attacking the heart of it- starting with when Pete and I began dating and got married. But am I actually able? I had hoped to rely on notes and files and date books, and journals to help me with this. I pulled out all this stuff tonight, in an attempt to begin to organize it and start writing about our very first attempts to get pregnant. And then I saw it all sitting on the coffee table in front of me. Here's how it looked:

None of it is in any kind of order. It's a completely chaotic pile. Not to mention an emotional one. I'll attack it a bit at a time. First, I will try to put it all into chronological order. Then I'll separate the medical files from my own research and other writing. The date books already are in order, so I will try to match the files with events recorded in the date books. Then I'll begin writing.
Spaulding Gray made a great film of one of his best monologues called Monster in a Box. If you're unfamiliar with it, see it. He was brilliant. The premise, and hence the title, address his difficulty in getting started writing his novel- which was an autobiographical story about his mother and her suicide. He did eventually write it (Impossible Vacation) but not without many adventures and mishaps and intimidation from the "monster" of paper. I can identify. I'm standing on a precipice.
I will call my files the Monster.
This past weekend was very emotional. It was the one year anniversary of my Grandmother's death, the first night of Chanukah, Sophie's first public Irish dance performance. One really great thing befell me on Friday- I discovered that we now have a Lush store! Albuquerque has "arrived!" If you haven't discovered the pleasures of Lush products, I implore you to RUN to your nearest location, or find them on the web and order one thing. Doesn't matter which one- they are all equally incredible. Beautiful, natural products never tested on animals, proceeds of sales donated to various charities, products so pure and natural they are all actually edible. Scrum-dilly-ishous. Lush saved my butt this weekend. I stocked up. I bought a bath melt that I have previously ordered and received melted. The sales clerk said to me, "it will never be melted again." This, after I literally jumped and ran and did a happy dance ALL THE WAY AROUND THE STORE. I kid you not. They must have thought there was genuinely something wrong with me. The bath melt was everything I knew it would be. And it soothed my soul. Here are some gratuitous pictures of the products, in our very own Lush store:

 
Mmmm... just look at all those lovely candy scented re-usable bubble wands, fizzy-lifting bath water tinting bath bombs, and fair trade shampoos made with honey (which I used on the kids' hair today).
Lush-us.
My advice for facing your monsters? Indulge in some products from Lush. Soak. Rinse. Repeat.