August: Dog Days of Summer

Saturday, November 3, 2012


It's official: I'm developing blogbrain. I start my day, as most do, by going to the bathroom. I have a habit of reading while I'm in there. In fact, I have now become so dependant on this reading, that I cannot void my bowels if I don't have SOMEthing to read- even if it's just the side of the wet-wipes package. A few years ago Pete gave me a "bathroom reader" book as sort of a gag gift for Christmas. I remember at the time thinking, "Are you fucking kidding me? Gosh- how romantic of you... NOT." Ironically, it has become the one thing he's ever given me that I use every single day.
So I'm perusing the pages this morning, and I come across a page of quotations by Coco Chanel. While I'm reading these, I start formulating this evening's blog post in my head. For the next few hours, in fact, I'm mentally arranging the post, jotting down notes and generally putting my thoughts into what can be considered a blog post. I often find that I arrange my thoughts into Facebook soundbytes appropriate for quick, pithy posts. Possibly with pictures. Now I find I'm arranging the voice in my head into narration and the perfectly formed one-to-two page blog post. I think perhaps, this constitutes what I consider Blogbrain: Arranging one's thoughts and mentally formulating a narrative appropriate for a blog post.
I wonder if this is in some urban dictionary? I'm quite sure Mommy Brain is. In fact, it is the name of not only a book, but also a blog by Katherine Ellison. She argues that contrary to the myth that having kids robs mommies of intelligence, instead, it actually enhances our neuro-prowess. Personally, I whole heartedly subscribe to the notion of Mommy Brain. And not just the hormonal- loss-of- focus Mommy brain, which is a chemical truth. But the I-can't-hold-attention-long-enough-to-have-an-intelligent-converstion Mommy Brain, because I'm checking around every five seconds to make sure I can still see where both of my children are at any given moment. It happens. And so does the Mommy Brain symptom of sudden A.D.D. onset: I'm SO easily distracted, and can jump from one frame of thought to something entirely different in a nano-second. SQUIRREL!!
Case in point: three things I wanted to write about tonight, not one of them having ANYthing to do with the others. Mommy Brain at work....
First- the Coco Chanel quote that caught my eye, was this, "Since everything is in our heads, we had better not lose them." Perfect. I'm losing mine daily. Cell by cell, my brain is slowly being sucked right out of my skull. Every day I go back to a job I hate. sucksucksuck. Every day I can't organize my time and my schedule and my kids' schedules. sucksucksuck. Every day I can't get caught up on keeping my house clean, or actually finish doing laundry, or get in some time to work on finding another job. sucksucksuck.
Ewe. Didn't mean to get so morose- it's not as bad as all that! I'm writing daily- I'm exercising my brain, if not my body- in the hopes that I can stop that leakage and NOT lose my head! I'm forward-thinking by trying out different avenues for employment. Positive thinking, right? I will NOT lose my head. Everything is in there.
Second- I was thinking today, that perhaps I should be circling back on this blog site, to the byline and the title itself every so often, and bring topics back into my posts having to do with infertility/ being an intended mother after gestational surrogacy, gestational surrogacy itself, etc. I'm not sure how to elegantly do this. So I decided I'd just drop in  some stories here and there, and reserve the "heavier" posts for whenever those emotions come up. And I know they will. Things happen all the time which make me stop and think about the journey I've taken to have my kids. I don't have to force the topics to come in order to fill posts. Trust me- they'll come up. And when they do, I will write about them. It just might not be every day that I write about those things. And so, in the interim, I'm writing about my life in the hopes that someone can identify with my odd experiences and know they're not alone in theirs. And maybe to make people chuckle. Cause I love a good chuckle. I love CAUSING  a good chuckle even more.
Third- paper dolls. Paper fucking dolls. (how's THAT for a non sequitur!?) Sophie jumped into my bed this morning with a book of Grace Kelly paper dolls. This is more a collector's book, and not really one to cut out and play with. I told her we'd try to find some paper dolls- maybe they had some books at the bookstore, and we could go look later. While I was grocery shopping, I happened upon a book of Disney Princess paper dolls- perfect! She was SO excited when she saw them, she sat me down and started in on them right away. Here's what I found:  paper dolls are not what they used to be. No longer do you have to spend five focused hours painstakingly cutting out the intricate dresses and tabs. NO- now they are all perforated, and you just pop them out of the pages. Because, apparently, mastering the patience and dexterity necessary for such an endeavor is no where NEAR as important as is the instant gratification of just popping them off the page and getting on with the princess themed role playing that inevitably ensues. Mommy Brain training 101.
SO- I really don't know who won today: Mommy Brain, or Blogbrain. Maybe it's a tie.....

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